the mudblood princess
by snevans78
Summary: the title is totally random, hate writing summaries, r & r XXXActual Summary: What NOT to do in a SevLily fanficXXX
1. intro xxx the mudblood princess

**Okay, scratch the summary.**

**This fic is inspired by "untitled" by your vennela, but it's a Harry Potter fic, in case you haven't noticed.**

**In this fic, I'm going to show what NOT to do in a SevLily fic, just trying to filter this site of all crappy SevLily fics. **

**Thank you for coming this far! Now, you may proceed to the first chapter. **

**-snevans78 **


	2. 1 xxx spelling & grammar

**Just read it. All mistakes intended. **

* * *

chapter 1 

snape was hiding behind the bush, watching the girl named lily.

"tuney, look how high i can go" she said.

"stop," said tuney.

it was too late, she flew off the swing. then she picked up a pink flower and started controlling it.

"how can you do it," tuney said.

"it's easy," said snape, popping out from behind the bush. "youre a witch."

"what" said lily.

"yes," said snape, "and im a wizard."

tuney laughed. "yeah, and i'm merlin," she said sarcastically.

"no, you're a muggle," said snape.

"lets go lily," said petunia, offended.

they marched away with no one to observe how tearful snape looked.

* * *

**Okay, I agree, that was pushing it a little.**

**Here's some tips: **

**TITLE AND SUMMARY: When you're writing a title, you have to make it interest the reader or else they're not going to read it. Then, in your summary, you don't want to say, "title is totally random" because who's going to read it then? Write a good summary, and don't write "this is completely stupid" or something like that, because people are going to assume that it WILL be stupid and they won't read it. Even if you do think it's really corny – people aren't going to read it if you write that it is.**

**SPELLING AND GRAMMAR: Use spell check! Proof read! We are all human and make mistakes, but if you're too lazy to use proper punctuation and caps, people are going to think the story is as sucky as your grammar. And use good vocabulary when you get the chance. Use a thesaurus or something. Make sure you don't overdo the vocabulary.**

**DETAIL: Put enough detail and emotion into the story! Make sure you write what the character feels, hears, smells, sees, etc etc…**

**DIALOUGE: Don't change the dialogue! If you're writing an AU, that's fine, but try to use the dialogue from the book if you're describing the same scene. You want to also add feelings and emotions not described in the book, but obviously, that's easy when you're not doing Harry's POV during a SevLily fic. **

**SNAPE: You don't wan't to call Snape "Snape" if it's from his point of view. Or Lily's. If it's from James, one of the other Marauders, Petunia, etc (aka some1 who doesn't like him) call him Snape or Snivelly. Otherwise, call him Severus. **

**PS: I WILL add more on the characters in the upcoming chapters. **


	3. Author's Note, Please View!

Before I start the next chapter, I just want to say, this story has no order. Meaning, I will write a crappy look on any stage of Snape's life, regardless of when in the story it comes up.

And, I want to respond to a review by _ItalianSnapeLoverAkaLuthie:_

_Not to be mean or anything, but your first actual submission really didn't  
fit with what you were complaining about. Your paragraphs were not paragraphs, they were simple lines. You also neglected to capitalize the names and the beginning of the sentences._

On a more helpful note: try to use "said" a little less and pick words that  
describe how a character is saying whatever it is they are saying.

I didn't much care for this part: "she picked up a pink flower and started  
contolling it." I felt that using the term "controlling it" was vague.

I personally disagree with your opinion on the matter of dialouge, although, I do understand why you feel the way you feel. My reason for disagreeing is simple, fanfictions rarely flow in step with the orginal source of their stories. A fanfiction is a story a fan felt compelled to write and is thus created out of their own imagination. If there is too much of the original source in a fanfiction, then it is plagiarizing . (In other words, if a fan writer takes pages and pages of dialouge from another source and does not give credit where credit is due, then this constitutes plagiarism)

I hope that first three paragraphs helped you and I hope that you were not  
offended by the previous paragraph. I am interested to see where you take your  
story.

Luthie

Okay…

The whole point was to write about what NOT to do in a SevLily fanfiction. That is what the summary said. So it is going to be a really sucky story, though the suckiness (in my opinion) will become less obvious in later chapters.

Yes, you shouldn't overdo what is in the book, but technically, it is not plagiarism, because if that were plagiarizing, you wouldn't be allowed to use any quotes. Everything is clearly sited as a Harry Potter fic, and anyone who has read the book will know that you took it from the book. What you shouldn't do is simply write EVERYTHING from the book or switch around wording. Like I was saying in the other chapter, you wanna add detail and emotion not described in the book. All good SevLily fanfictions I have read so far have used scenes from the book but adding their own detail.

But that part is just my opinion, you don't have to agree with it.

And keep in mind, I'm not a fan of flames, as you might know if you have read some of my other stories. I will correct anything you feel is worth correcting, but the reason I'm not going to correct it based on this review is 1) the first half is SUPPOSED to be really crummy, and 2) it's a matter of opinion.

So that said, you may proceed to the next chapter.


	4. 2 xxx characters

chapter 2

"i know james potter's an arrogant toerag." said lilly cutting across snape, "but avary and mulcabar's idea of humor is just evil. evil, sev. i don't understand how you can be friends with them."

the moment lilly insulted potter, snape's whole body relaxed, and as they walked away, there was a new spring in snape's step.

as they walked away to bed, snape said, "lilly?"

"yes," said lilly.

"do you think – we could be – we could be more than friends?"

and before snape knew it, lilly kissed him full on the mouth. he gladly returned it.

"i'll see you tomorrow, lils," he said when they were done.

"ya, ok sevvy," said lilly.

they each walked back to their common rooms.

* * *

**Okay, I'M SORRY I had the displeasure of writing that, but believe it or not, I've actually seen fics like this!**

**SNAPE/LILY: They-can-not-kiss!!! Period!!! What is between them is **_**friendship**_**, close friendship! This kind of thing is what really ticks me off. Although Lily might have feelings for Snape, they're NOT romantic. He was too interested in the Dark Arts for her to like him that way. JKR said so herself in her interview!!! They-can-not-do-that. And even if you haven't seen the interview, you can tell by how embarrassed Snape was around Lily. If there **_**were**_** really something going on between them, he wouldn't be so embarrassed. **

**DIALOGUE AND SPELLING: If you're using dialogue from the book, be sure to spell everything like in the book! And if you're not sure how to spell a character's name, double check!!! I've seen so many fics where Lily's name is spelled "Lilly" and it's soooo annoying!!! People, spell the names correctly! Lily is not such a hard name to spell!**

**And the second line/paragraph is something you shouldn't do, because it's almost exactly like in the book.**

**NICKNAMES: Snape wouldn't call Lily "Lils." I've seen it in fics. It's okay if you use cute nicknames like that, but it's not like Snape would be brave enough to use that nickname. We haven't even seen him call her by her actual name, for heavens sake (except when he's talking to Dumbledore, NOT directly to her). And Lily can call Snape "Sev" or "Severus" but honestly, Sevvy? That has NO subtlety. Don't use that word. **_**Ever.**_

**Okay, that's it for this chapter. Heads up for the next.**


	5. 3 xxx physical appearence

**This is a different version of a crappy story… But before I start, I want to comment on a review by _Iolar Na Mara_: **

_**why r u doing this? r u so completely bored that you have to bore others too?  
get a life. were not stupid, so shutup.**_

**My answer is simple. If this kind of story bores you – don't read it. That's all. Okay, for those of you who WANT to read it, on to the crappy story.**

**(This 1 is less of the story and more tips.)**

* * *

severus saw her, her 1063457 strands of vivid hair shining with her greenish with a tinge of yellowish-brown eyes misty, and her orange freckles sprinted across her ivory-skinned face and her smallish nose. "wait, lily," he said, running after her, each step taking about 2.657 seconds. he missed her. he spent about 5 hours and 16 minutes and four seconds of every 16 hours in his room doing nothing. "go away," said lily. "wait," he said, 3 ½ tears pouring down half of his hooked nose. "can you be my friend again?" lily scrutinized him, his robes with 6 small rips and 3 patches and 2 small shabby holes and one big shabby hole. "no." said lily. "go join your death eater friends." "no wait lily –" "go away" "wait, i really didn't mean – " "go away." "I didn't mean to – " "go away." "oh will you shut up you filthy mudblood bitch!"

* * *

**Okay, so I'm pretty sure that the crappy part of that was pretty self-explanatory, but I am going to add to it. **

**DETAIL: DON'T give numbers when you're describing something. It seriously ruins everything. What I wrote was a little extreme, but you get what I mean, don't you? And don't go overboard with the detail or use "and" or "or" as much. **

**LILY'S PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: I'm going to TRY to make this clear. Lily has DARK RED hair. It says so in the book. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't have freckles; they don't mention it in the book, and the DO focus a LOT of physical appearance in the book. I've seen SO many fics that talk about her "orange hair" and it ticks me off so much!!! Use the description in the book! Dark red hair, people! Geez! I've even seen in fics that she has BLONE HAIR?! They clearly say in the book that she has dark red hair with almond shaped bright green eyes. And there's loads more on her eyes because Harry inherited them, and they NEVER describe them as misty. I HATE how people change the physical appearance of people in their fics when they so clearly describe them in the book! **

**PARAGRAPH: Don't bunch up your sentences in one paragraph. No one is going to read a long paragraph. If you write one LONG story, make sure you space the lines properly. **

**CONTENT: Okay, this is just my opinion, but Sev and Lily will have moved on – well not Sev so much, but it's not like they're going to keep arguing. If you write something like this, it'll be boring, because no one wants to read the same thing over and over again. Everyone knows their arguments are for nothing, but I HAVE seen fics where they make up, and that doesn't work. It DOESN'T. Unless it's AU, it doesn't. If they did make up, there wouldn't be a series and the Harry Potter section of this website wouldn't exist. SO DON'T DO THAT. **

**And this may seem obvious, but I have seen non AU fics where Snape/Lily make up, and Lily still dates James, and that DOESN'T WORK. Lily wouldn't date someone her best friend despises (but again, she didn't date James to make Sev jealous either). And in the book, they SO CLEARLY showed that Lily/Sev's friendship was OVER the second his uttered that disgustifying word. End of discussion. **

**SNAPE: Okay, I've seen about 3 fics now where Snape is trying to apologize to Lily and she tells him to go away, and he says, "Oh shut up, you Mudblood bitch!" **

**THIS IS **_**NOT**_** DONE. NO. It's stupid. It's crummy. It's lame. It's the last thing Snape would say, ESPECIALLY to Lily. I assumed people would be smart enough to get THIS MUCH from the book. Apparently, I was wrong. Just like the whole kissing thing, this will not happen. NEVER. You take the hint from JKR. If you're writing an AU and you have to put this line, I have NOTHING to say to you. No comment. **

**But otherwise, get it FIXED in your head. No matter what, Snape would never say that You should have gotten it from the book, when Snape DID call Lily a Mudblood, it WASN'T DIRECTED TOWARD **_**HER**_**. It was directed towards JAMES, to avoid humiliation (though I agree, it WAS STUPID OF HIM). And you saw, he hated it when _Phineas_ USED THE WORD. This is a mark at how much he hates that word and regrets calling Lily it. DON'T YOU GUYS SEE THAT????!!!!**

**Okay, I calmed down. **

**-Mandy**


	6. 4 xxx origanal ideas

summary: snapes worst memory – told from snapes POV

chapter 4

"let him down!" yelled lily as james hung snape upside down.

yes – lily would always be there for him.

"certainly," said james and snape fell down.

sirius petrified him. lily shouted at james.

"youre lucky evans was here, snivellus –"

"i dont need help from filthy little mudbloods like you!"

"fine," shrieked lily, "be that way."

she ran away. potter yelled after her.

snape dint know why he called her it – he just wanted to prove to potter he wasn't a coward.

* * *

**Okay, aside from the sucky grammar and the lack of description, MOST of the content is all right. But the reason I brought this subject up is…**

**ORIGANAL IDEAS: There are about 50 versions of this scene. If you want your story to be appealing to readers, write something original. We already know what Snape felt, because there are so many variations of this! It's okay to use this idea if you're writing a fic that has many chapters, but if this is the only scene, nothing is going to stand out about yours. If you want an original idea about something from the book – try the letter scene where Lily and Sev find Petunia's letter. I've only seen like 2 versions of that, so I think it'll be all right. **

**DIALOGUE: Please, please, please, please don't change the dialogue! You can see that it's very important as is shown in this scene. Snape should not direct his Mudblood comment toward Lily. He would NEVER do that. You can tell. There's a HUGE difference.**

**NICKNAMES: I'm just writing this in response to what **_**SilverDrama**_** said about one of the previous reviews about the nicknames. I actually HAVE seen fics where Snape is making snide remarks to Lily about her "dear boyfriend Jamie." DON'T DO THAT! In fact, don't use any nicknames besides the ones we know about in the book. That'll work. **

**REVIEWS: I'm creating a new rule – the only way you are allowed to flame this is if you've written a good, crap-free Snape/Lily fanfiction. I will CHECK your stories from your profile. If you are an anonymous flamer, I WILL DELETE YOUR REVIEW RIGHT AWAY, just like I did with **_**Iolar Na Mara**_**'s flame. So don't waste your time flaming, because I AM going to finish this. It's time someone took these crappy SevLily fanfictions in hand. **


	7. 5 xxx lyrics and date & time

disclaimer: i don't own hp or james blunts "youre beautiful"

chapter 5

"how do i look?" said lily as she put on her robes.

"gorgeos." said snape. "you should be on america's next top model."

lily smiled.

she had thrown her T-shirt with a picture of the spice girls on the ground and her jeans.

snape just looked at her, awed by her beauty…

_my life is brilliant.  
my love is pure.  
i saw an angel.  
of that i'm sure.  
she smiled at me on the subway.  
she was with another man.  
but i won't lose no sleep on that,  
'cause I've got a plan. _

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.  
you're beautiful, it's true.  
i saw your face in a crowded place,  
and i don't know what to do,  
'cause i'll never be with you.

yeah, she caught my eye,  
as we walked on by.  
she could see from my face that i was,  
flying high,  
and I don't think that i'll see her again,  
but we shared a moment that will last till the end.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.  
you're beautiful, it's true.  
i saw your face in a crowded place,  
and I don't know what to do,  
'cause i'll never be with you.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.  
you're beautiful, it's true.  
there must be an angel with a smile on her face,  
when she thought up that i should be with you.  
but it's time to face the truth,  
i will never be with you. 

snape sighed as the chattering students left the train.

* * *

**Tips: **

**LYRICS: DON'T post lyrics on your fanfictions. No one wants to read them. So don't post them on. You can say that you were inspired by a song, that's fine, or even recommend background music. Just don't post it as PART of your story, because it's utterly useless; no one's going to read all of them. **

**DATE: People, remember in Deathly Hallows, when Harry went to his parents' graves, and it said: **

_**James Potter, born 27 March 1960, died 31 October 1981**_

_**Lily Potter, born 30 January 1960, died 31 October 1981**_

**So when they were about 11, it was about 1971. This is NOT the time to be talking about America's next top model or Spice Girls. These are just examples, and there are loads more. **

**CLOTHES: They don't describe the clothes in the book. So don't. Unless you find out what "Muggles" in 1971 wore in England, I'd just not to put anything about clothes besides wizarding robes. **


	8. 6 xxx afterlife

**Jeez, I'm on FIRE today!!! (will add more in the footer) I've been dying to write this chapter, even if it may be really crappy!!!**

* * *

chapter 6: the afterlife

snape had felt the snake bite him.

so where was he? just then, he saw dumbledore walk in.

"ah yes," said dumbledore, "come join us."

snape followed incredulously. why the bloody hell was he seeing a dead man?

just then, there was a roomful of people.

"snivelly, why the hell aren't you rotting in hell with the rest of your chums?" james said, on his feet.

snape saw a wisp of orange hair, and saw lily evans comforting her husband.

a few minutes later, she approached him.

"why did you do it?" she asked.

"what." said snape.

"why did you do it? why did you call me a mudblood? why did you kill dumbledore? why were you mean to harry?"

"i called you a mudblood to avoid humiliation. i killed dumbledore as a service to him. i was mean to harry because i love you, i always have and harry has james' body and he reminds me of him, that's why im mean to harry, but i love harry because he's your son."

lily was quiet.

"so that's why you hate james, because you were jealous?"

* * *

**Okay, sorry for the cliffhanger…**

**IDEA: I have to say, I LOVE the idea of the afterlife. I have been devising one myself, SOMEDAY to post up here. What I don't like is how people WRITE it. If you want to see the IDEAL afterlife, go to the Epilogue of "The Lost Moments" by **_**Falling.Twilight**_** (it's on my favs in my profile). **

**INFORMATION: Okay, first off, I would imagine that the dead people know what's going on in "life" god knows how, because Dumbledore (when he's dead), when he's on King's Cross, he knows what has happened to Harry in life. Who knows how? Maybe he used his portrait. I'm pretty sure there is an afterlife after that chapter in Harry Potter. So anyway, Lily won't go piling Snape with questions about his life. She would probably THANK him or get all emotional from seeing her best friend again. **

**DETAIL: If this is from one of the newly-dead (this sounds wrong) people, you have to really DESCRIBE how shocked they are. Put a lot of detail into it. **

**FEELINGS: Don't make it depressing. Snape finally sees the woman he loves again! It's a big deal. You have to put a lot of FEELING into it. I have seen fics where Lily is yelling at Snape for treating Harry like a piece of crap, and Snape wishes he were alive again, not wanting to face Lily again – THIS-DOES-NOT-HAPPEN. **

**HARRY: Get it straight into your mind, Snape-did-not-love-Harry. He HATED Harry. JKR said in her interview that the reason he hated Harry so much was because it showed Lily and James combined, and it was the living proof that Lily DID love James. And he protected Harry because he didn't want LILY to die in vain – not that he had any affection for HARRY!!! **

**Remember in the book – when Snape conjured the Patronus? Since there are way too many fics that say Snape LOVED Harry, I'm going to repeat it to you: **

_**"I have spied for you, and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter –"**_

_**"But this is touching, Severus," said Dumbledore seriously. "Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"**_

_**"For **__**him**__**?" shouted Snape. "**__**Expecto Patronum**__**!" **_

**You see!!! It was Lily he cared about, not Harry!!!**

**Sorry I put so much into this chapter – I wanted to show how important this is!!!**

**-Mandy**

**PS: If you agree with me, can you post the link of this story on a hyperlink on your profile and tell others to do the same? **

**Not that I'm trying to brag or anything, it's just…I want to get my message across and improve these SevLily fics. Seriously, I have read about ½ of them on this site (if not more) and only found about 2 or 3 decent ones. **


	9. 7 xxx other pairing

chapter 7 

"what happened," said snape.

lily had stepped in the library looking furious.

"tell me," said snape.

lily kept quiet, her lips pursed.

"come on," snape urged.

lily sighed.

"fabian broke up with me," she confessed.

snape swore under his breath.

"i always knew that prewett wasn't good for you."

"yeah well."

suddenly, lily went a bright red.

"what." snape hissed.

but he saw it. sirius black was walking in the room.

* * *

**All right. Not MANY fics are like this, but just want to make it clear. **

**LILY/OC: Can't HAPPEN!!! I don't like the sound of it at all. Especially if you randomly pair Lily with someone in the old order, while she was friends with Sev!!! She wouldn't do that!!!**

**LILY/MARAUDERS BESIDES JAMES: OMG how can anyone be that stupid???!!! I mean, FINE if you're writing an AU but if you want to write a GOOD Snape/Lily fanfiction, DON'T DO THAT!!! Focus on Snape/Lily if it's a SNAPE/LILY FANFICTION!!! You CAN add James/Lily, because that pairing is really important in their relationship, but no one else!!! **

**Okay. Just a few things I wanted to point out there. **


	10. Note from snevans78

**All right.**

**THANK YOU, EVERYONE who came this far. **

**And thank you for ALL the people (besides **_**Iolar Na Mara**_**) who took their time to review. Especially **_**SilverDrama **_**and **_**Kira2667**_

**I know that was PRETTY short, but I just wanted to write this so people are aware of how crappy their fics are, and some people actually have the POTENTIAL to write good SevLily fics, but they have the WRONG IDEA, and get stuck with that crap. SO…**

**It's OVER!!!!  
**

**I know you guys LOVE (wink wink) to hear me rant about your crappy fics. **

**But if you want to see my REAL way of writing, go to Slipped Away, or one of my upcoming fics. **

**And if you want to see ideal SevLily fanfiction, go to "The Lost Moments" by **_**Falling.Twilight**_**, because it makes all of my work seem just as crappy as the examples of fics described in this fic. **

**Anyway, PLEASE, spread the message about these crappy fics, and post this on your profile!!!!**

**If you want the link, go to my profile, because FF wont let me post it here, don't ask. **

**Keep writing!!! Hope you thought that was useful!**

**-Mandy:)**


	11. TMPcontinues!

**Hey People!**

**Okay, it turns out I had a few more ideas for this story, YAY!!!**

**SO…I will be writing tomorrow since it's the weekend!!! Maybe I'll write today if I finish my english homework. **

**R & R!!!**

**And people, PLEASE, if there's something I missed that you want to add, feel free to! I love getting inspiration from the reader's point of view. It can be VERY helpful.**

**-Mandy aka snevans78**

**PS: THANK YOU ALL OF YOU WHO VIEWED MY TWILIGHT WEBSITE. I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL TO YOU!!! MY WEBSITE IS NOW RANKED ELITE!!! PLEASE VIEW, EVERYONE!!! (Click the homepage thing on my profile).**

**If you view, you will increase my popularity rank. So far it's at Elite. And this is my FIRST site and I'm so excited!!!**

**G2 do English HW!!! Cya!!!**

**PPS: Review!!!**


	12. 8 xxx Marauders

disclaimer:

the earth is round

the grass is green

if i owned hp

the world wudnt be mean

chap 8: the fight

james walked up 2 snape & poked his wand in his pallid face.

"yo sniv," said james.

"back off gangsta," said snape.

"no" said james. he cursed snape.

"crucio."

students watched and laughed.

snape suddenly shouted "sectumsepra."

james was knocked off the rock he was standing on.

"jamie" sirius and remus called with concern.

"whats wrong." said sirius.

"sn-sn…." was all james uttered.

"doofus whats your problem," said sirius.

remus got so mad. he started to shake. then he exploded into a red-brown wolf and ran at snivvy.

"wait well get expelled," said james.

"oh ya, 4got" said sirius.

remus calmed.

then dumbledore came and told snape not to tell anyone remus was a werewolf but it was obviously b/c his last name was lupin – lupus means wolf. duh. everyone knows that.

* * *

**Okay…well, I'm SO happy to be back to writing FFs!!! **

**SO I thought I would break it down to you guys in clear English…explaining about the Marauders.**

**JAMES: Stop making James seem like the bad guy! I know most of you might feel bad for Snape but…dude!!! James NEVER used Dark Magic. Stop making him the bad guy!!! He hates Snape because Snape used Dark Magic. Why would he use it himself? Stop making him such a sadist. **

**REMUS: Okay…we are all a little confused here. Remus is a WEREWOLF. Not an animagus. **

**And staying in the werewolf category, he's NOT Jacob Black!!! He turns into a werewolf at the FULL MOON. Not when he's angry. Thanks for reminding me, Tasha!!!**

**SIRIUS: Okay, going back to Remus here, SIRIUS IS THE ONE WHO WILL BE EAGER TO START A FIGHT WITH SNAPE. **_**NOT**_** REMUS!!! REMUS WAS HEAD BOY!!! **

**PETER: Aw, c'mon, guys. Just because Peter's evil, doesn't mean he didn't exist. He **_**was**_** part of the Marauders. Get used to it. **

**Okay. Moving On. **

**AMERICAN-NESS: Guys, come on. We know they didn't use words like "doofus" and "gangsta." **

**PUNCTUATION: People. We are not in kindergarten. Punctuation. PLEASE. **

**DISCLAIMERS: Okay, here's the deal. Disclaimers only need to be one line saying you don't own the book. For example:**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HP**

**Clear? You actually don't really need a disclaimer…because no one here owns any categories. That's why it's a FAN FICTION website. If JKR was really writing this, would she publish it on a fanfiction website? No. **

**I seriously saw one that was a whole chapter. Keep it simple. No one reads them if they're too long. You're wasting your time. **

**LATIN: Come on, guys. People IN the fictional story don't know the Latin roots to spells...though we might. Don't add them in your story. Please. **

**OKAY and I know everyone was making comments on my OC/Lily dating thingy. **

**Lemme explain. Lily LIKED Sev. You find out by the interview. She had feelings for him too (though I can't IMAGINE why…freak of nature). SO, she wouldn't go out with someone else. Right? **

**Of course, Hermione did that in the Half Blood Prince…to make Ron jealous. **

**Though I'm pretty sure Lily wouldn't. JK wanted her to be the one flawless character. (Not that I agree with her…but that's the way things are). I even read once that the flower "Lily" represents "purity." **

**Understand, now? **

**The other thing, I know people try to make Lily not-so-pretty because we're bored of reading a perfect Lily…**

**Well, that's the way JK wanted it to be. Deal with it. Especially though Snape's eyes…I can't imagine why anyone would make her UGLY. **

**Just like in Twilight fics…you know Bella isn't necessarily pretty but GOOD FICS from Edward's POV always portray her to be pretty because of his feelings for her. **

**SORRY. OFF TOPIC. Just needed a good analogy. **

**And some people said this isn't a FANFICTION because that's about YOUR ideas….**

**YES. FANFICTION IS ABOUT HOW YOU INTERPRET THE STORY, ADDING ON TO IT. BUT IT SHOULD GO ALONG WITH THE BOOK…OTHERWISE YOU SHOULD CREATE YOUR OWN STORY ON FICTION PRESS. GOT IT? **

**AND YES…THIS MAY NOT BE FANFICTION…BUT I CAN'T SEND A PM TO EVERY SS/LE WRITER ABOUT THIS STUFF. **

**See my point? **

**-MANDZ**

**PS: VIEW MY WEBSITE!!!**

**thecullenfamily [dot piczo [dot com**


	13. A Note to my Flamers

**Okay, THANK YOU for those of you who corrected my typo about Remus being a PREFECT and not HEAD BOY. YES, you're absolutely right. My typo. whacks myself in the head. **

**Now, I have two flamers I'd like to discuss, whitehound and an Anonymous reviewer who signed their name as SHUTUPmandy (?!). **

**I'll start with whitehound. **

**First of all, I know you don't like the story; I think you made your message PRETTY clear. SO, if you don't like it, STOP READING AND REVIEWING IT. I created this for people who enjoy it to read it, not for those who don't. I appreciate that you wrote it in a more CIVILIZED manner than my other flamer has, though. **

**And what you send about "Lily" representing death, maybe it does represent death, but IF it does, I know for a fact it also represents purity. PM me if you want the source of this piece of information. **

**Okay, moving on to my next flamer. I will post the message here:**

**_Yeah it should go along with the book but it doesn't have to. _**_**  
**__**Harry Potter**_**_ does live in a different world, but they still have cars and_**_**  
**_**_houses and all, so whoose to say like whitehound stated, that there's no such_**_**  
**_**_thing as color contacts or hair dye. you idiot. _**__

**_don't flatter yourself, you're stories aren't that great, why give advice to_**_**  
**_**_others when you can't follow up on yourself?_**__

**_and to all you dumbasses who agree with this fagass snevans78,_**_**  
**_**_are all in the head and should be smacked a few times._**__

**_-_**__

**_it's amazing why those other's trying to prove there point.. reply so nicely_**_**  
**_**_when they're possibly all thinking the same thing. _**__

**_and do you know what there thinking horse face?_**__

**_"what a idiot."_**

**Okay. **

**About your comment about my stories not being great, if you want to comment on those, review them THERE. And by the way, if YOU have written a great story, why don't YOU sign the review so WE can see your amazing story? This IS my idea, and I am going to continue it. Why are YOU giving me advice if YOU can't write a good story YOURSELF? **

**1) About the color contacts/hair dye; A)YES. I can say that they didn't use them during that time period, because hey, going back to the time thing, this happened in the seventies in Britain. SO, do you think they used hair dye? No. And B) Even if they did want to color their hair or eyes, they could use a thing called POTIONS. Clear? **

**2) About your cussing, this is actually considered abuse; if you weren't an anonymous reviewer. Since you ARE an anonymous reviewer…I can just delete your review like that, see? **

**3) Well, if you don't like the story, DON'T KEEP READING AND REVIEWING IT. **

**4) Last but not least, what do you think you're doing by flaming this? Helping people? I think not...You're just wasting your time. I'm just going to keep deleting your reviews like I deleted Iolar Na Mara's (I'm sure people remember her). Or maybe you two are the same people?! Anyways...I'm not going to TRY to fathom with the darker workings of Flamers' minds...**

**Alright. Enough with flames. The next chapter will be more about OVERUSED ideas. PLEASE, those reviewers who know about annoying thing people get peeved about, POST THEM HERE!!! **

**Oh come on. Anybody? **

**And PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE VIEW MY WEBSITE AND VOTE ON THE POLL:**

**thecullenfamily [dot piczo [dot com**


	14. 9 xxx FF vs Summaries

**Before I start, I just want to say, those flamers who keep reviewing this story; since you don't like it, why do you keep checking back to it? It's your problem that no one's going to see your reviews when they're NOT THERE…see?**

**All right, here I'm going to show three examples of segments of stories, summaries and everything.**

**(PS: This is all my writing. Any resemblance between actual pennames/fics is purely coincidental.)**

1. The M Word by _OMCSnapeLovesLily_

Summary:

MAJOR DH Severus Snape/Lily Evans Potter SPOILERS!!! IF YOU HAVEN'T READ, DON'T CLICK THIS FIC

Snape reflecting on his past.

More interesting than it sounds

Read and Review

BTW I suck at summaries if you haven't noticed

DISCLAMER: JKR is our king.

Without her the grass wouldn't be green

Without her, the earth would be flat

Without her, I would be dead

Without her, the world wouldn't be fed

I own none of these characters

As much as I wish I did

Rock on, JKR!

Story:

Snape remembered her, her hair rushing around her, blowing into her face. He could almost see her. He wished he could reach out and touch her.

But he couldn't, and it was his fault. He had called her a Mudblood and passed on information to the Dark Lord about where her family was staying when the Dark Lord wished to have young Harry Potter dead.

So Snape did all he could to protect Harry Potter throughout his education in Hogwarts, always looking into the monster's eyes and seeing sweet Lily looking back at him…

2. An Unexpected Friendship by _Bloodyfingers_

Summary: Post DH

Lily wants to be friends with Snape. Snape hates her. Will he accept her friendship?

Read to find out. And if you aren't going to say something nice, don't review.

Story:

"Please?" came the quiet voice.

"I don't want to be your friend," said Snape coldly. "Go play with your dear Jamie Potter, Evans."

"Oh come on," she giggled. She ruffled his hair, ignoring his miffed and disgusted expression.

"Get your filthy hands off of me, Mudblood."

3. Who Knows? By _ColdHeart_

Summary: Lily is drunk and loses her virginity to Snape.

Story: XXX

**Okay. I'm not even going to get into the third story. Ugh. Shudders.**

**As for the first and second, well, I'm glad to say that most fics I've read lately have decent grammar. Though I won't say the fics are perfect. There are still some things that must be fixed.**

**SPOILERS: It is a good idea to warn people about spoilers. But if your spoilers alerts are on SS/LE and your penname is something like "OMCSnapeLovesLily," well, just trust me on this, people don't have to click the link to be "spoiled."**

**DISCLAIMERS: Read chapter 12.**

**CONTENT: Most of us are generally good writers. Usually when I read fics like these, the writing is pretty decent. What I'm saying is, we aren't coming on this site to read summaries of The Prince's Tale. Most people come here (if not to write) to read extended versions of Books/Movies/Comics…etc. Not summaries of parts of it. Especially if you don't get all of the information accurate...**

**And as for the second story, well, think twice before posting "Post DH." Really think about if it goes along with the story in a natural way.**

**Of course, if you're writing AU, it doesn't apply, but usually when people write AU, the characters be SIMILAR or THE SAME as the characters in the book, right?**

**First of all, in this story, it doesn't even say "AU."**

**Then, well, if you make Lily unbelievably retarded…well, just say this. Though most people think of her as naïve, naïve doesn't exactly mean "juvenile."**

**And by the way, if you can tell the horrible results the last story will probably cause, well, kudos to you!**

**REVIEWS: There will inevitably be both kinds of people who read your fics; people who like the fic and people who don't. There will obviously be people who don't like the fic. Now, of course, if they critisise the fic in a polite, constructive way, don't PM them saying "you f------ b----" - even if it's a flame because that is stooping down to the flamer's level. And if it's constructive critisism...well, that is being rude yourself. People are trying to help and you call them names. If you disagree with their critisism, explain to them in a civilized manner WHY you feel that way instead of biting their heads off. They're only trying to help. **

**Anyways...**

**I still have ideas for this fic but people, I know there are things I might have missed! Please, tell me if so, any general or Marauder Era mistakes people tend to make and I will mention it somewhere in the story and give you credit. Please!**

**-snevans78**


	15. Crapios Maximus xxx special!

**Hey people! Sorry it took a long time to update. I decided to do it now, barely fitting it in my wacked schedule, BECAUSE I've gotten quite a few update request PMs.**

**So, here you go: Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: Crapios Maximus!!!**

**Curtains Open ---claps from audience---**

* * *

"cmon evvy im nice sometimes." james (known as jamie w/ friends) called after the red-head girl.

"you ego." lily said shrilly. "i don't need f#$ pricks like you to f& stalk me! leave me alone you f!#…you f&#…you f$…you f#$."

she cudnt think of a nasty enuff thing 2 say 2 him. tears of fury piled down her cheek.

"you killed him." she whispered. **(a/n: you'll get it l8r, don't worry, my dear readers, but REVIEW!!! this **_**has **_**to attract reviewers…i spent a whole day writing it…newaz, back 2 the story;)))**

too depressed 2 speak NEmore, she walk toward her mom.

"hey honey, whats rong?" said daisy evans (lilys mom duh; commentary 4 those dummies out there).

"nothing." lily promised.

"ok well severus is coming home w/ us." said daisy.

"ew." said lily. "i hate him. i d'want him to come." it came out slurred b/c lily was uber depressed.

life sucks, said lily 2 herself (in her head, duh, her mom wud slap her otherwise).

"be polite." rose evans said sternly (wait, was her name daisy? whatevs! now its rose. get used 2 it. )

then sev came.

"hello severus." rose chirped.

lily grunted, fighting the urge 2 spit in his pale face.

the drive home was long. sev's parents were mean this week as usual so rose allowd sev 2 stay at the evans residence.

except this time lily hated him. unlike usual. so she didn't let him use her room (not in the same bed! get your mind out of the trashcan) so sev had to sleep in petty's (petunia) room. in the same bed.

newaz, lily was depressed, moping around, ya'know, cuz of wat jamie did.

then sev came and sat on her bed. she pushed him away.

"go away."

then someone apparated in her room. lily and sev screamed.

"potter, what you doing here." said snape.

"what r U doing here." james retorted.

"wat r u doing in my house, potter!" lily shrieked.

"i came 2 apologize." said james.

_I'm holding on your rope,  
Got me ten feet off the ground  
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound  
You tell me that you need me  
Then you go and cut me down, but wait  
You tell me that you're sorry  
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that... _

It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall  
Take a shot for you  
And I need you like a heart needs a beat  
But it's nothing new  
I loved you with a fire red-  
Now it's turning blue, and you say...  
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you  
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

Bridge (guitar/piano)

It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
It's too late to apologize, yeah  
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-  
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground... 

"what the hell." said lily. "nothing you say will make me forgive you for what you did. he was my only pet…"

suddenly lily was sobbing.

"i know i can't say anything that will make me forgive you, but i can do something…."

james took a brand new banana and handed it to lily.

"you f$." snape snarled. "you think she'll forgive you for killing her banana just because you give her a new one…"

but b4 snape knew it, lily was making out w/ jamie. then she pulled away, appalled.

"do not tell me i just did that. ugh. i must be possessed! btw jamie, you taste like gatorade!!!."

she ran to rose. jamie and sev followed. rose was abt to protest b/c jamie wuz there but she fell in love with him. so she cudn't.

"lils honey, we r going 2 the mason's. they're having a hawaiian party. you have 2 wear…"

her voice trailed off.

"NO!!! I'M NOT WEARING A COCONUT BRA!"

---20 mins l8r---

lily: "if any of you look at my coconuts again, im going to hex you." (pic in profile)

End fic.

* * *

**YAY!!! I had a LOT of fun writing that. So much fun, as you can see, I kinda got carried away. Though believe me, I HAVE seen fics like that. WTF!!!**

**SO basically, this was a combination of most crappy things. Some things I've already mentioned in previous chapters. Others I haven't. **

**COMMENTARY: Please, don't give commentary INSIDE your fic. The reader should be able to know what's going on based on the way you write the fic. **

**SWEARING: Come on. Why is everyone so addicted to swearing? I admit I do it…occasionally. Not all the time. Try to limit it. It gets kind of old, you know. **

**SEV SLEEPING WITH PETTY THINGY: Well, wouldn't you agree, isn't it a bit hypocritical to tell someone to stop thinking about disgusting things, when Sev sleeping with Tuney is ever grosser than him sleeping with Lily?**

**LILY'S MOM: Why does everyone call Lily's mom either Daisy or Rose? Just because Lily and Petunia are named after flowers doesn't mean their mom has to be. And even then, are Daisy and Rose some kind of lucky flowers or something? What's wrong with Violet? Tulip? Marigold?**

**BANANAS: LOL what is with humor fics and bananas these days? Is there some kind of Banana marathon? Not only in Harry Potter fics, but there seems to be a crazy banana obsession all around FF (coughEDNANAcough)**

**LMAO**

**Breaths**

**Wink wink to those who know exactly what my insane mind is thinking about. **

**A/N'S IN STORIES: Honestly, don't you thing it's a LITTLE distracting to have these a/n's while you're reading the story? Why can't we stick to keeping them in the headers and footers? **

**REVIEW DEMANDS: People will review when they get around to reviewing. You can't really force them to. A good technique to get reviews (I think) is to write a question about the plot in the footer. For example, for this fic (crappy as it may be: "What do you think will happen next? How long will James stay in the Evans'? **

**People will want to respond to those, and then it'll result in more reviews. **

**Wait. That's not really fair, is it? Now I sound like the hypocrite. Because review demands…**

**Wait a sec. This sound's like me, right?**

**R&R!!!**


	16. 10 xxx Page Numbers vs FF

**This chapter will be REALLY short, but I wanted to try to make this clear…**

* * *

Chap 16 told from sevs pov 1st person

"i want 2 talk 2 u, sevvy," said lils 2 me.

"fine," I said.

"i don't want you hang out w/ u."

"but…I thought-thought we were sposed 2 b friends. best friends?"

_Pages 540-541 DH…_

* * *

**Yeah, so sorry for the extreme shortness, but I just want to say, it is NOT plagiarism if you use dialogues from the book. You CAN as long as you don't copy it word for word and make sure you add thoughts and feelings that aren't in the book.**

**It gets really annoying when you see page numbers to fill spaces that are supposed to be the ACTUAL STORY. **

**BTW if my page numbers aren't the same as yours, it's probably because I'm using the British copy of the book; I went to London this summer when the book came out…**

**Also, as my reviewer **_**twilighthpmidnighterskissses**_** pointed out, NO, I do NOT have the picture with Lily in a coconut bra in my profile. I was just illustrating what some authors write in stories. **

**To Tasha Cullen (my reviewer): Sorry, I couldn't think of anywhere else to say this as you don't have an account and you haven't enclosed your email: Thank you SO much for all your reviews. You are officially my most loyal reviewer. Anyways, I'm pretty sure I won't be updating very often as I have a lot of tests the next two weeks before SPRING BREAK (whoopee!), and once Spring Break comes, I can update often and clean up all the unfinished stories. The most frequent updates will be for my current story, "A Living Stone," and occasionally this story, so if you want to hold your breath for anything, it would be that one. **

**Thanks for your reviews!!!**


	17. Important Announcement

**ANNOUNCEMENT (My schedule): **Sorry I haven't written all week…that's how life goes.

I can't write today or tomorrow b/c of a Community Service Outreach School Trip.

I can't write next week because I'll be too involved in school and gymnastics – like I was this week.

I CAN write next weekend.

BUT then Spring Break starts and I'm going to Belize (South America) for a week – until Friday.

Then I have a week off again so I CAN write.

Then, I'll be busy studying for ERBs until May 2nd.

Then…well I'm not sure if I have any plans after that until May 22nd and then finals…


End file.
